Then & Now

There's a funny little quiz/game/interactive element going around instagram – add your photo type question. The game is to add the first photo in your favorites album. I didn't do it, but I looked at what it was. Turned out to be a photo from 199-something of me and my mother traveling in Italy shopping for fancy leather gloves. Unintentionally twinning! The next photo is also from that trip. The fourth photo is her at Dove Cottage, a solo trip she took in the early nineties to her favorite place, visiting her favorite poet.

I decide to find a more recent photo of us and this popped up from a trip to Cannon Beach in 2019. Kind of twinning here too with puffy coats and neck scarves against the wind and cold of March.

There are quite a few of us two together in my favorites album. Interesting to see how often we were twinning – never intentionally I swear! And I never thought we really looked alike (my sister wins that award) but I do see a resemblance. Our hair was never the same color and I was taller, rarely do I see it in our faces but more often it might be noticing that it is her hands or feet that I favor, causing a double take. Others have shared that my mannerisms are hers, and I know and like that that is where our resemblance resides. (Plus the love of a red purse!)

Then and Now.

Now.

I have these photos from our adventures but not her.

Then.

I had her and wasn't really thinking about them as adventures.

Now.

I am on adventures and think about her, missing her.

Then.

I am fortunate to have had her through my 60th birthday.

Now.

I am sad we don't have a chance to celebrate our 65th/90th birthdays together. We thought we would since her mom made it to her nineties!

Then.

I didn't know what losing my mother would bring, at least in terms of grief. Is it something we ever consider? What our grief will be?

Then.

Her parents died at aged 95 (almost) and 92 (almost). We grieved but knew they had full lives and the grief had a different temperature. When my older brother died at age 46 (unbelievably in that same year) we grieved so deeply as his children lost their father, his partners lost their co-parent, our nuclear family lost its center, my parents lost their firstborn. He was the hub, our centermost connector.

Then.

Losing a sibling was the most intense and overwhelming time I had experienced. Didn't know anything more than the broken apartness we all were in.

Then.

When my aunt, her sister, died at 68 we grieved for my aunt's children and their families, for my mother and her brother, now alone in their nuclear family.

Then.

My stepmother died at age 70. For me, for all her children, her grandchildren and my father all grieving the loss of the family's heart, the matriarch, the core, and the stability we depended on. Hard, intense and overwhelming. And I felt deep pain of loss. And I felt guilt, I still had one of my mothers.

Then.

It happened, all my parents gone, the remaining three in one year. An accordion avalanche of a year. The last of my mother's siblings the year after and now nearly all of that generation gone.

Now.

Every moment, every breath I work through it.

Now.

They are here. There are reminders. Their children and grandchildren, their nieces/nephews, my siblings, my cousins. The mementos: books and art, their directives and lectures, their advice and guidance, their ancestry. Love.

Then.

Yoga brought me through. Sitting still, moving, lying down. Inhaling and exhaling. Letting others hold space for me. Supporting. Carrying. Letting me grieve as I needed. Releasing and accepting. Holding in and letting out. Crying, sobbing, weeping. All of it.

Now.

With my yoga practice I am still and I move forward. With my breath practice it is possible to simultaneously hold on and let go. Feeling what I can within yoga. Inhaling. Keep my grief. Pause. Exhaling and let go. Pause for myself. Pause to take in what I feel. Pause for breath. Gratitude for breath. Gratitude for yoga. Gratitude for the ancestors. Love.

Yogas citta vritti nirodhah

Yoga is the quieting of the mind

Yoga Sutras of Patanjali Chapter 1, Sutra 2

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Note: Rebecca and her friend Monica are teaching a series together starting on February 18, 2025.

Now & Then: Yoga for Grief. Read more about it here or check out the FAQ here.

When I say: "Old Person" Yoga

Multiple choice question: What do you think of when I say "Old Person" Yoga?

A. Chair Yoga - that's "Old Person" Yoga, right?

B. Senior Yoga or Silver Sneakers Yoga – that's it, yes?

C. Yoga for Healthy Aging – clearly for old people.

D. Gentle or Slow Yoga – only old people do gentle or slow classes.

.

How about E. none of the above? (see answer key at the bottom of the post)

In my world there is no such thing as Old Person Yoga, or Senior or Elderly or any other description of a yoga class that isolates a group, especially by age. 

Yoga is Yoga.

In my yoga practice, and what I believe as an instructor, is that "Yoga" as a practice is not defined by age, gender, ability, race or any other adjective attached to it. Ideally, we remember not to make assumptions about a group of yogis that might appear to be older (however you define older) nor about what they can or cannot accomplish – age does not define ability, physical, mental or otherwise.

The labeling of certain types of Yoga for "Old People" is a common ageist statement. I unwittingly make ageist comments all the time! Have you verbalized an ageist catchphrase? What was it and how could you adjust it to be non-ageist?

Here's a few I'm guilty of saying:

• Having a senior moment! (maybe simply a forgetful moment)

• You look good for your age! (how about "You're looking good!" period, end of sentence?)

• 60 is the new 40! Happy 29th Birthday – again! (celebrate your age – getting there is a privilege)

• OK, Boomer! (generalizing attitude and ability based on when you were born)

• Can't teach an old dog new tricks! (we can all be life-long learners)

I've taught students of all ages (from 1 to 100, not kidding!) and no matter the person, age or type of yoga class you can see that they are all delighted to be practicing yoga.

Anyone can do yoga and yoga is for everyone!

Char and Pepe in 2009. AKA my parents.

Photo Caption: Char and Pepe in 2009. AKA my parents. AKA my favorite examples of Healthy Aging. Charlotte brought me to yoga at a young age and we practiced together right up to the very end. Pepe was more skeptical of yoga but he did walk and exercise every day right up to the very end.

Answer Key:

A. Just yoga with a prop. Practicing Chair Yoga is not restricted to any age group.

B. IDs who might be attending the class or have an access pass, not the style of class.

C. Well, we all age everyday and Healthy Aging is something for all us humans to embrace. Healthy Aging is the concept of staying or being in good health for as long as possible in your life.

D. Sometimes moving slower or enjoying a gentler practice is what is right for the day for anyone of any age.

Ageism: prejudice or discrimination against a particular age-group and especially the elderly.

Move!

What do you think of when you read this word?

1. Stretching or exercising in a class or on your own

2. Disco dance party

3. Walking or running to a destination

4. Hurry! Get out of my way!

5. Changing your physical position in a purposeful manner

6. Packing up and moving to a new home

How about all of the above?

#6 is the one top of my mind because we are moving to a new home in March. This is big for us!

We have been in the same house for over 30 years, more than 1/4 of the house's life has been with us as occupants (it was built in 1923) and we are only the third family to have lived in this house. Most of our life together (husband and I) has been here and our far-away family has mostly visited us here. For almost half my life I have lived in this house. Wow.

We feel sad and will miss being here as we have so much love for our yard (banana tree! hammock!) and home, and our neighbors on this street. The upside to leaving our life here behind is that we are only moving 11 blocks to Sellwood. We will still see everyone we know, shop at the same stores and visit the same parks and attend the same yoga classes. And our new home is all one level and no yard. Basement laundry will be a thing of the past!

Let me know if you'd like an invite to the housewarming party and you can visit the home where we will begin our third act of "aging in place".

Condo Sweet Condo!